I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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