is wine microwaveable?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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