Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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