They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
