youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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you have to choose: penises or morals?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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