We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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