I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
