bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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