i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
