i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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