that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
