I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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