Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I intend to get homeless drunk
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
