sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
