I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
