I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize