good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Bring me that man meat
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
