3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
