the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
