One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize