people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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