Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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