is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
