this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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