I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can you bring me the toilet please
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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