Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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