Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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