you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
