she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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