I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
