There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
