you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I know her cup size but not her name....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
