Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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