I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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