she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Randomize
