Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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