woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
