Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
