So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need a beard to bite.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
