there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
