I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
