I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
