pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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