Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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