If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
