i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
