guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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