Ambien. No doubt about it.
I want to make a zoo with you.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
