Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
