your thong is hanging out like whoa
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
