Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
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What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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