I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize