i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
