Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
