honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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