Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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