yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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