You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize