i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
