Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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