from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm having to shit out rocks
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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