Three words: puerto rican gang bang
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
