At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
