Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
