It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
