sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
