So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
