I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
