I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
