So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
