I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
