WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
